


An Ocean Between

by CaitClandestine



Category: Bring Me The Horizon
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:51:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitClandestine/pseuds/CaitClandestine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oli worries about his parents, about Tom, the band. He doesn't worry about Lee until it's apparent that he should have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ocean Between

In the months after rehab Oli spends a lot of time worrying. Also a lot of time sleeping and trying to put his world right side up again and a good portion of time catching up on all the television he'd missed, but mostly he worries.

His mom calls every night, voice always greeting him hesitantly like he might answer and have fallen off the wagon already and the guilt over worrying her hits him right in the gut because she's so sweet and wonderful and the best mother anyone could ask for and he should never have done this to her, to them.

His father holds the same gruff conversations with him as always but sometimes in the silence of the football matches they've taken to watching on telly together Oli can feel him watching, no doubt trying to see where it all went wrong.

Tom is the worst because he wears his heart on his sleeve, often watching him with a guarded, wounded expression that no amount of apologies and reassurances can fix. He hovers constantly, curls up against Oli's side some nights, recounts the nightmares that plague him and Oli worries that they'll never go away, that he's changed some part of brother forever, ruined that little piece of innocence about the world he still had left. Matt tells him that Tom hadn't left his room for days at one point, sitting beside him as the withdrawals kicked in and Oli doesn't remember, can't recall a single moment of him being there at all.

And fuck, the band. His other brothers. He worries that he won't be able to come back like he wants, that he's ruined everything for them and that Jordan will walk, unwilling to put up the shit he's suddenly found himself knee deep in. His deepest fear is that Matt will go, because Matt is the glue that holds them all together and he can't do this without him.

He knows about what's been said online, the masses of tweets that wish he was dead and inbetween them the well wishers and though he can't find any evidence he worries that he hasn't been strong enough for everyone, was gone a fraction too long.

Lee's a constant, pulling Oli into his orbit and holding him there, making endless cups of tea and strumming on his guitar over episodes of Adventure Time. He keeps track of all Oli's appointments on the whiteboard stuck to the fridge and there's always clean clothes in Oli's drawers. He takes phone calls and tackles interviews on his own and makes sure when he does disappear back to his own life that there's always someone around. He doesn't worry about Lee.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Six months an album and twelve shows into their first tour back Oli discovers he's made a mistake.

The album is for all intents and purposes a success, perhaps a carthatic process for all of them and it feels good to back on the road again, putting together new songs with old favourites and he even gets a new Drop Dead line up just in time to demand that they all wear the ridiculous underwear he's designed with chainsaw wielding unicorns on it. 

He's still tired a lot, catches naps in the afternoon before soundcheck and sleeps in late most mornings but it's okay and slowly everyone stops calling him constantly, stops looking at him like he might snap at any moment. Things are going back to a new, better normal.

Lee's always been quiet, reserved around people he doesn't trust, around strangers and though it takes forever to get him out of his shell Oli highly recommends people make the effort because he's fucking brilliant when you get to know him, funny and obnoxious enough to rival even Matt, can talk your ear off if he knows you'll listen and by all accounts, Lee isn't any different than he's ever been. 

They're older now, usually opting for single hotel rooms because it's a luxury they can afford, a vast improvement on the sleeping in rat infested buildings or huddling in a van during the depths of winter. There's also the point that when separated it's far less likely that one of them will try and pull some godawfully stupid prank on the others and it's nice to fall asleep knowing that there's no risk of waking up to find your roommate shagging someone into next week or worse, just having a go with themsleves. Oli loves Vegan, but no. Just no.

He's become accustomed to company though, can only sleep so many nights alone before he has to seek out somone to cuddle with, playing on the fact that he's thin and cold and needs to be warmed or else he can't sleep. Lee is a particularily good cuddler, always toasty warm and more than happy to let Oli be the big spoon even if by all accounts it should be the other way around.

It's a suprrisingly cool night for wherever it is exactly in the midwest they are, Oli has never been good at keeping track of endless state lines and city lights, is the reason that where they are is always written in bold on the top of every set list. He tosses and turns for a good while, getting tangled in the thin white sheets several times before he sighs and throws them to the end of the bed. He doesn't want to be alone tonight.

He grabs a hoodie from his bag, slides his feet into the slippers he's pretty sure he's formed a weird symbiotic bond with and grabs his keycard from the bedside table before heading out in search of a cuddle. He shoves his hands into his pockets as he walks, pausing when his fingers clasp around hard plastic.

It's another room key. Of fucking course. Lee had been complaining about having to get up to let him in all the time and none of the other guys would have enough forethought to plan ahead like this. Oli smiles to himself, likes the reassurance that he's not being a hideous burden.

Lee's room is on the floor below and the whirr of the elevator seems dodgy at best but it seems to be fucntioning so Oli can't really complain even though it's like, psych ward levels of creepy.

He doesn't bother to knock, doesn't want to wake Lee if he's sleeping – he's had plenty of practice at carefully wedging himself under the blankets and not waking him up but as the dim light in the hallway pokes through the open door Lee's bed is empty.

Oli doesn't remember any mention of partying tonight, although it's entirely possible. He's incredibly good at zoing that kind of useless information out. He closes the door behind him.

Lee's go-to pair of boots are by the door, his phone plugged in to charge, laptop in the middle of the bed. Oli drops his keycards onto the bedside, moves the laptop to a safer location. He'd crushed Jordans Ipad a few weeks ago and doesn't want a repeat of the experience. It's only as he's toeing off his slippers that he notices the light under the ensuite door, idly wonders if he brushed his teeth and not entirely sure.

“Lee?” He calls out, pulling the blankets on the bed back. 

“In the bath” Is the soft response and Oli pauses in his blanket shuffling for a moment. It's a bit of weird hour to be having a bath, not that he's in any position to judge what's weird and what's not. Just, Lee hardly seems like a midnight bubble bath kind of guy.

“Like, a bubble bath?” 

There's a snort, and the sound of splashing water.

“Maybe” Lee says and Oli can practically see the smile he's making as he says it.

Oli can't think of a reply that isn't going to make him sound weirdly invested, so he climbs into the bed and curls up under the covers, pulls them over his head so it's warm and dark and safe.

Soon enough there's the sound of the bath being drained and the door opening and Oli pokes his head out just enough to see Lee still drying his hair with a towel, dressed in a ratty t-shirt and blue flannel pajama pants. 

Lee catches his eye, gives him a small smile and Oli returns it, wiggling up the bed a little so more of his head is on the pillow.

“Come to bed” He says in a faux seductive voice, drawing out the words. “I'm getting lonely”

Lee just rolls his eyes, throws the towel on the back of an ugly plastic chair, hair tousled and damp, seemingly everywhere all at once. If anyone's hair has made them the band they are to today it's Lee's. It's always so soft and shiny, nothing like the ratty, oily mess Oli's hair turns into the minute he stops plying it with expensive product and long minutes in front of the mirror.

Oli holds the blankets up so Lee can slip in beside him and he promptly rolls closer to Lee's warmth, not ashamed that it's more than half of what he's here for.

“Should buy you one of those girlfriend pillows” Lee comments, letting Oli tuck in beside him. “Just haveta keep it away from Matt”

Oli sniggers and then grimaces at thought of what Matt would do to such a thing. Probably get drunk and cut a hole in his for his cock or something equally as awful.

“You're my girlfriend pillow” Oli proclaims, throwing an arm across Lee's stomach, nuzzles his head into Lee's shoulder a bit more.

Lee half-heartedly swats at him, makes a disapproving noise but he can't really complain since he's an equal part of their nighttime cuddles.

They fall silent then as Lee leans over to switch off the ancient lamp beside him and it's nice, lying in the dark and being all warm and Oli feels content, wishes they didn't have such an early bus call in the morning. He'd quite like to demand they stay here long enough for him to persuade Lee that breakfast in bed together wouldn't be the weirdest thing they've ever done. Maybe scrambled and eggs with bacon on the side.

Lee falls asleep first, curled up on his side away from Oli, hair all in his face and his hands tucked under his chin and it reminds Oli of all the picture he sees on Instagram of cute couples catching each other sleeping. He doesn't think it's something their band could get away with, taking pictures of each other like that.

He's tired but not, drifts in and out of conscious thought, rolls into Lee a little more and inadvertantly he wiggles too much and his hand slips under Lee's shirt and it's not a huge deal, last week he left a drool patch on Lee's shirt so their closeness is hardly an issue but the skin under his fingers isn't what Oli equates with Lee's usual milky, baby soft skin instead it's rough in places, lines in places and Oli stiffens, spreads his hand out and prays to a god he doesn't believe in.


End file.
